My Daughter Was In Foster Care

The story of one mothers fight to motherhood

When I found out I was going to be a mother, I had just been arrested for three felonies. I knew that I would at some point be re-arrested and go to prison, however, I had no idea that event would also include a pregnancy.

When I picture what an ideal pregnancy would be, I picture family coming together to welcome a new life into the world. My reality was dark, void of compassion and traumatic.

At this time in my life I was OK with going to prison. I was a drug addict who, on several occasions, wanted to end my life. I didn't see a way out of the life I was living. A life of drug addiction, chaos and violence was my normal. So when I was arrested, that was just fine with me. I needed a break from the chaos and that is what jail had always been for me, a break or a reason to not sell drugs.

The only goal I had growing up was to be the best female drug dealer upstate New York had ever seen. Years later when what I mediated on became my reality, I started to see how terrible it was. My new fortune was short lived and what followed was an intense addiction to heroin and a massive debt with another drug dealer.

At 23 I sat pregnant and alone in a jail cell looking over my three felony charges trying to make sense of it all. How did I let this happen…